Fights

I feel so exhausted. And for once it's not the kids. I hate to say this but I don't feel like John loves me anymore. He's acting the way he did when we broke up. How about that we just had a baby and already feels like we ages apart. He never remembers whats important to me. Like the monitor that I've been watching for weeks or how I like my sandwich. He got upset about me breaking a bottle but I did it to get rid of frustrations. Better then taking it out on the kids or myself. I feel like I'd just rather be dead again. Like he'd care anyways. I wanted to go on a cruise so we could go closer as a couple since we've never been anywhere together. He however is just excited about the nude tanning deck. I want someone who feels like I'm their soulmate, their other half not the the girl who he got stuck in a family with. He says he loves me but never shows it. You know I've never even danced with a guy. Not once not even my husband. I just can't do this anymore.